Still adjusting

Wishing I would write here more.  I feel so much pressure for the blog posts to be “good.” I really need to get over that.  I just need an outlet.

The baby has been asleep about 30 minutes and Sam has gone for a quick walk down the street to pick up some food at the pasta bar on the Avenue. Nights after the baby goes to bed are hard for me because I start focusing inward and I can get sad.  I just fired off an email to our real estate agent in Austin.  Our house has been on the market just over 30 days and no offers.  I look at the MLS listing and all the gorgeous pictures and all I want to do is say “fuck this, I’m going home.” I still own that house… that big empty house with the perfect lawn, new roof, and new fence.  The house that backs up to a park and has little flowers in little beds all around.  The one with a big garage and driveway and plenty of room for all my junk.  The house where Sam and I spent three years pefecting the perfect Christmas lighting scheme that I never got around to properly photographing.

I really miss my house.  I really really miss it.  And I really miss my church and the choir.  We had it so good… and we spent years making that life.  We knew it would change when Genevieve arrived but not this much. I hope I never have to move again when I don’t want to.  I hope that from now on, a move will be a happy thing… an upgrade, a better house, a better life.  This is such a strange place to be, after striving and struggling to make our lives better and more comfortable, to be in this strange place, in this strange situation… we could have rented a nice place in “the county” but our rent would have been a lot more expensive.  Starting to wonder if it would have been worth it.

I really really miss my house.